Great ER Quotes

What follows is a number of quotes heard while working in the ER that I have found entertaining/thought-provoking. Enjoy!

“You don’t even understand graham crackers.”- Psych patient. No, I don’t.

“They just need to go home and be sick at home,” exasperated physician in the pediatric ER.
“I shot a guys genitals off for raping my sister.” Eesh.
“No [...]

Detachment

I saw a very sick child recently at one of the children’s Emergency Rooms I work in. At only 9 months of age the child has had a brain tumor removed as well as multiple surgeries involving a VP shunt.
The kid was there for increased vomiting and fussiness. As the physician talked with the [...]

One patient, many quotes

Here are some actual quotes from a patient I saw recently:
“I’ve died several times.”

“I thought I was I bipolar but I’m not. I wish I was.”

“I had an IQ higher than Einstein.”

“My whole family almost died from Anthrax.”
All from one patient within about 5 minutes. That was a fun day.

Your kid is the sick one, not you

Everybody loves talking about themselves. I’m guilty just as much as any other person. But you’d think parents with a sick kid in the ER would have the presence of mind to realize that their kid is the sick one who should deserve the attention, not them.
I worked in Pediatrics tonight and I swear half [...]

“Oxycotton”

AKA Oxycontin, a popular prescription painkiller. It’s mispronounced commonly, which is somewhat understandable. It’s hard to get that “n” sound in the “contin” part.
Last week a patient came in with a handwritten list of medications. Spelling was not this patient’s strength. Mispronouncing Oxycontin is one thing, but spelling it as “Oxycotton” is, well, funny. [...]

Do you watch House? Do you know what Propofol is?

Yes, and yes!
My position as a an ER Scribe has vastly increased my medical vocabulary. I can name (and spell!) countless medications, and I generally know what they do.
This hasn’t proven especially useful outside my work until this week when I was watching the show “House”.
Here’s the situation: a guy is holding House and a [...]

Old Person, Coumadin, and Head Trauma. A Bad Combination

80 something year-old woman, traveling down an escalator. Unwitnessed fall. Presents to the ED with contusion and small laceration to the back of the head. Patient mostly complaining of left knee pain. She is triaged to one of the less acute rooms.
The doctor I’m working with goes to see her, hears a bit of [...]

Bad Jokes

An overheard conversation:
“Can I tell you about this patient?”
“Sure, what’s the chief complaint?”
“Well, they’re coming in because they were struck on the side of the face by a clock that fell from a bookcase above them.” A short pause. “Yes, that’s correct, this patient got clocked.”
Good times.

Elections Can Be Dangerous Things

We saw a gentleman in the ER last night who had been running for office. Naturally he wanted to know the results of his race, so he stayed up all night watching the election returns.
No sleep + driving = bad idea
He fell asleep while driving the next day and ran into a pole. Oops.
Who knew [...]

Frailty

She was frail.
She closed her eyes most of the time. When she did open them, the vacant eyes that stared from among the sunken sockets revealed very little.
Her daughter was with her. She was worried because the nursing home had said that her mother was vomiting blood. Even though her mom communicated very little, the [...]